Shades of Success, Inc.

New Year's Resolutions versus Goal-Setting

There are two reasons why those who make New Year's resolutions are likely to fail:

1. The peer pressure and time factor - Colleagues, friends and the media remind us that it is time to come up with our resolutions every year.  We feel compelled to have something to share with others.  It becomes a ritual, not a conscious desire to make changes in our lives.
2. Most resolutions are too vague to be effective - We usually want to lose weight, make more money, or find a better job.  These statements are too broad.  How much weight? How much more money? What defines a better job?

Goal-setting, on the other hand, is a process where you must be able to specify what you want to accomplish in a way that can be measured (e.g. I want to lose 10 lbs., I want to make $20,000 more next year, I want to find a job with daycare benefits).

If you want to learn what the most popular goals (new and improved resolutions) are, click here. If you would like to join (it's free) and share your goals with others, go to 43things.com.

Appreciation: The Best Gift of All

As the holiday season unfolds, we are busy wrapping gifts, sending cards and participating in other rituals that sometimes we perform in autopilot.  Along the way, part of the meaning of giving is lost.  That's how the tradition of regifting started (remember the Seinfeld episode?).

Appreciation is the one gift you can give others that you will not find at the mall or in an online store. Appreciating others is a unique gift because it acknowledges people individually.  It is not a random comment about someone being nice or sweet just to make them feel good.  It is about a sincere, from-the-heart exchange where you remind someone how they made your day, how they made you feel special.

Does the concept of appreciating others seem too corny for you?  I can assure you it is not.  Research shows that lack of appreciation has real implications in the way people behave and make decisions.  Employees who decide to leave their jobs cite "lack of appreciation and feeling valued" as the main reason for leaving. Customers often complain about feeling neglected when companies resort to impersonal methods of doing business.

Consider sprinkling your holiday season with appreciation.  It is free. It is a thoughtful gesture and it is very much needed!

Managing Guilt

I never thought I would be writing about guilt as it relates to achieving success but here I am. 

In our relentless desire to be successful in our professional and personal lives, we (in this case I) forget that life happens and priorities change before our eyes.  As I focused on wrapping up several coaching projects before the holidays, my blog postings fell behind.  I felt guilt for two seconds and continued to plug along as the increasing demands on my time continued.  Then I came across a magazine article about how to stop feeling guilty.  And that is when my friend G (as I affectionately call guilt) decided to stop by for a visit.

Fortunately, I remember a workshop I conducted recently about emotional intelligence where we discussed how guilt drains our ability to function effectively.  Guilt is a feeling based in the past and anchored in sadness.  We feel bad that we disappointed someone or did not do something at a certain point in time.  If not addressed and managed properly, guilt could become a chronic ailment (e.g. not doing enough, not being good enough). 

Two key words help us disarm guilt:  past and sadness. If we allow sadness to govern our actions, we might make decisions based on seeing the glass half empty. If we allow events from the past to have control over our current and future actions, we might end up getting on the guilt treadmill.  Instead, address the root of the problem.  If someone was hurt by your remarks or actions, apologize.  If a task was not completed, be accountable. 

The idea is to move on from reliving the past (which cannot be changed) and focus our energies on the present.  Our chances to achieve our dreams and goals are greater the moment guilt and regret are out of the success equation.

Do and Don'ts of Asking/Sharing Contacts

With holiday parties and networking events in high gear, the most popular question is:  "Could you introduce me to...?" Or, "do you know someone who a) will hire me; b) needs my services; or c) will help me with my current dilemma?"

Although there is nothing wrong with those questions at first glance, why do we hesitate when we hear them? 

Trust - How much do we trust the person asking to be introduced?  Will he make a positive impression on my contact?  How will he use the information he requests?

Expectation - What will your role be once you make the connection? By providing the name of a contact, you could become part of the email trail or get a play-by-play account of what is not working.  The best hands-off approach (with an expectation quotient of 0) is to connect people in person.  After making some general remarks about each other, let the two new acquaintances carry on and excuse yourself gracefully.

If you are doing the asking,

• Be clear on expressing your goal - Saying that you need a job or that you are looking for clients is not enough.  Be specific about the type of work and function or the type of prospect so you can be better matched with contacts.
• Be conservative in using the information obtained - Do not share with others phone numbers, email or physical addresses given to you as a referral.  Ask first then do.  In this age of identity theft and spam, people are turned off by the generous souls who share their friends and acquaintances personal information.  There is even a new term, "fram" (friends spam).  Do not risk your reputation by helping someone else build their mailing list.