A Positive No? (Part 1 of 2)

Yes, it is possible to say a positive 'no.'

At a recent talk at Harvard Law School William Ury, author of The Power of a Positive No, said, "in order to say 'yes,' we must say 'no' to demands, behaviors and injustices."  Ury believes that many times we do not know how to decline a request or stand up for what we believe in.  Often, he says, our responses can be summed up in three categories:  accommodation, attack or avoidance. We accommodate to the needs of others instead of considering our own priorities before giving an answer.  Other times our attempt to say 'no' is communicated poorly and, in an attempt to assert our needs, we deliver a nasty 'no' perhaps accompanied by a scream or an argument .  A third way is to ignore the issue in the hopes that it will go away.  All three of these responses result in unproductive relationships with flawed outcomes.

In a future post, we will discuss Ury's proposed approach to a positive 'no.' In the meantime, some questions to ponder:

• How do I usually respond to a request I do not have time or interest to entertain?
• How do I deal with an unreasonable demand?
• Do I generally attack, avoid or accommodate? Or do certain people trigger particular responses?

Comments

[Mr Mane]

* How do I usually respond to a request I do not have time or interest to entertain?

Really depends on the overall benefit. Looking at the bigger picture and what possible opportunities lay ahead.

* How do I deal with an unreasonable demand?

Discuss alternatives with the people involved.

* Do I generally attack, avoid or accommodate? Or do certain people trigger particular responses?

Again, really depends on the situation, I generally accommodate if I forsee an opportunity in the future otherwise I try to avoid.